You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
