lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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