I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
