Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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