Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
