She's JV to your varsity
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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