We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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