You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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