My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
