I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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