Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
