If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
