I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
