So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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