A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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