I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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