I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
