somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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