and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
