but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
