mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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