Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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