we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
