waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
