I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
