good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
