Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
