Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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