I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
