I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
