it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
