bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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