I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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