i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
