I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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