i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
