are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
