considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
