the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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