I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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