Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Terrible idea I love it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
