I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize