Screwed.edu
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
