No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
