They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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