If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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