do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
