I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
