Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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