hell yes lets make some ravioli
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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