Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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