I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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