no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
