Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
