I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
