Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
