Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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