Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
