So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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