also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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