i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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