i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
