Already got asked if we're dating
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
