You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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