im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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