my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
