when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
