So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was like eating out sand paper
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
